There are a whole bunch of lil things I wish I had known earlier to make sex more enjoyable and safer for myself. That’s why I have decided to compile them here, in no particularly order. It should be said that the vast majority of these are for women.
1) Don’t pee before sex. A full bladder enhances the pleasure sensation of your orgasm. It will also increase the likelihood of squirting, or female ejaculation. (More on squirting in an upcoming blog post).
2) Pee immediately after sex. It will reduce the chance of a UTI (urinary tract infection), which is incredibly painful and should always be avoided. Guys can get them too, and they’re even worse. So everybody should pee after sex!
3) Cranberry juice will help stave off any number of infections. It is particularly helpful in reducing the pain and discomfort associated with a UTI.
4) Staying hydrated is always important, but especially when you’re having sex.
5) Lube: if something hurts, stop using it. Listen to your body when it’s telling you something. Try different lubes until you find what works for you. Even if you’re someone who is super wet, sometimes you’re dehydrated and need it. No shame in wanting better sex!
6) Condoms break more often than you’d think: have a back up plan, be it a second form of birth control (like the pill), or a nearby pharmacy for the morning after pill.
7) Condom brands feel different. Experiment. Never be shy to insist they be used.
8) Talk about sex with the person you want to canoodle with before you have it. It may be slightly awkward, but it is 100% okay to ask: When was the last time you were tested? How many partners have you had in the last 6 months? What are your boundaries? Are you pro-choice? Better safe than sorry.
9) Get good and comfortable having sex in a bed before trying showers, public places, cars, etc. But why?You are likely to have to do some acrobatics, it may be uncomfortable, and it will be different than the comfort of a closed room on a bed.
10) Know yourself intimately before getting to know another person intimately. Masturbating is natural and healthy for everyone. How are you going to be able to tell/help someone else please you if you can’t please yourself?
11) Every woman has the capacity to orgasm and to ejaculate, even though they may not be aware of it. Don’t be afraid to allow your body to feel and to let go. Also, the two are not the same, nor are they mutually exclusive.
12) It’s okay for guys to be vocal. Some partners are really into it.
13) Faking it doesn’t help anyone.
14) Not every woman can or wants to orgasm more than once.
15) Everyone responds and reacts differently: some are loud, others silent; some prefer internal stimulation, others prefer external stimulation. Don’t assume what works for one, works for all.
16) Some people hate giving blowjobs, while others love it. Never force it, and rarely ask for it. Those who want to give, will.
17) Anal needs to be worked up to. Start with a rim job (tongue on anus), then a pinky finger. Figure out what feels good and what you’re comfortable with. It’s not dirty or gross or bad. If you’re not into it, don’t do it.
18) Sex is ridiculous and awkward. It’s good to be able to laugh about it. For example, if someone falls off the bed or a condom snaps, the night could be ruined. It’s better to laugh, smile, and continue on.
19) It’s okay to admit that you’re nervous about something.
20) Shower sex is tricky business, so be cautious and careful.
21) The more respectful you are, the more likely you are to be given the chance to try new things.
22) We all have insecurities, even the most confident person.
23) Vaginas don’t always taste great; neither do penises. Certain foods or drinks can change the way ejaculate and pre-cum taste, for both men and women. Do some research if you’re interested in changing how you taste.
24) Consent is always necessary from everyone involved. This means ‘yes’! Not ‘maybe’, not ‘I’m wasted’, not ‘I’m unconscious’. It can be difficult to not feel rejected or not feel guilty when someone says no or you are saying no. In a healthy relationship hopefully all parties know that ‘no’ is likely to mean ‘not right now’. Try not to feel guilty or rejected. Don’t always blame it on the menstrual cycle, and never have sex when you don’t want to. Check out this sweet Laci Green video about Steubenville and consent. Start at 2:00 for the particular section I’m referring to.
25) Be proud of and happy with your body. You can love yourself while still wanting to change things about yourself. Confidence is sexy.
26) Losing one’s virginity is a big deal for some, and not at all for others. As long as you’re comfortable and safe, it’s okay. It may hurt and you may bleed, but maybe not. Everyone is different.
27) Certain underwear fabrics breathe better. Your genitals may be sensitive, so be aware of what works for your body. Cotton is safest.
28) There’s a lot to be said for sexual chemistry, and it can disappear. You can have great sex with someone, and do it again but it’s just not as good. It happens, and it kinda sucks. It could show you that you’re over someone, though.
Bottom line: the key to good sex is communication. When I told someone I was writing a post about sex tips, he said: have it –, lots of it, and always communicate. So there you have it.